secret shadows & silent shouts
To hard to love

you where never really mine

but i guess now it’s fine

you broke my heart

you tore me apart

with 8 simple words

your shot me down like hunting birds

flying so high on the love i thought we shared

truely, i honestly thought you cared

you admit it yourself, but you won’t change it, your mistake

and to my broken heart, those words where like a stake

it flared my anger, and burned my heart

you really hit the bullseye with that dart

as anger overcomes, my love is receeding

and i never relized you too where bleeding

my broken heart didn’t care

and with those 3 words my temper did flare

not long later my anger overcame

something hard to admit and filler with shame

an epiphany struck and it was so stranged

but by then it was to late, your mind had changed?

you decided you couldn’t take anymore, like you couldn’t me

i guess i’m to hard to love, unlike thee.

i wrote this poem a few months back…  when an X broke up with me, then kept wanting me back. it really pissed me off. well now my boyfriend broke up with me today :( and this poem still odly fits, i’m not mad at him.. well i kinda am. he was like my best friend and i can’t blame him. i’m just a little mad at myself and at other people… bcuz they seem to exspect me to fall apart.. my X lived 2 states away… i knew it would happen, i just didn’t think so soon. me and my X are still good friends.. but it hurt… and it seems he’s talking to me and actually paying attention to me more so now than he did when he was dating me. idk, he just proved i’m to hard to love… it was his idea, and he said he’d always love me. he claims he still does, but if he did he wouldn’t have just let me go like he did. and i’m not looking for sympathy so for those of you who like to go around and read blogs then critize them, go ahead, but know i’m not trying to put my ” sob” story out there…. this is one of the few ways i can get my anger and pain out, by writting bcuz i’m no good at speaking.

my new years resolution… no my new years wishes!… no… my… AH! my list of 100 things i want to do!!

so one of my new years resolution was to right a list of 100 things i want to do this year ( so far i have 2 v,v ) and to do everything on that list. weeeeeell everybody knows that when you make a resolution for the new years… it NEVER happens. mainly because as humans we’re destined to fail at the simple challenges we make for our selves… or thats putting it nicely XD ( that just means that the human race has become to lazy, and lacks the ability of self- encouragement) soo i;m going to put my list up to the public, and cross out everything i’v done and write a small little blog about it. i figure if i’m going to try my hand at blogging, i might as well blog about something cool!! and i’m always up for feed back. and hey, just think, if you piss me off enough with your rude and ignorant remarks, you’ll just be one more thing i can vent about on here! oh, did i mention i’m not afraid to speak my mind, and i’m VERY opinionated? :) so here goes…

1) finish my book

2) have someone very close to me read my book

3) go to the movies with a friend my age

4) go on a date with someone i know isn’t a total ass and won’t dis his parents

5) fill my journal with more poetry

6) let someone close to me read the poems i’m to scared to put on here

7) wear a bikini with out shorts and a shirt at the beach ( don’t laugh its not funny!)

8) buy MYSELF a new phone, all by myself, with no help.

9) go to a concert of a band i like

10) get new hardware for my skate board

11) strip my skate boards underside and design a better one

12) learn to skate better

13) get a laptop that works -_-

14) make my own stop motion video thats more than 5 minutes long

15) take and edit more pictures for my photography

16) make a business out of my photography

17) beat fable2

18) go on a family vacation with my mom and new step-dad

19) get the courage to sing in front of people i don’t know

20) finish the school year off with a really close friend here ( as in where i live)

21) get contacts so i don’t keep breaking my glasses >,<

22) dance with my friends the way i REALLY dance

23) dress up really nice and actually look like a girl in front of every body at school

24) go somewhere i’v never gone before

25)do something i’v never done before

26) ride ( and drive) a dirt bike

27) get into JROTC of CAP and prove that my moms wrong about me

28) be able to run longer with out nearly passing out

29) go to a party with a friend

30) be in a relationship i don’t feel stuck in or miserable in

31) be kissed like they meant it

32)be kissed in the rain ( shut up i know it’s cliche :[ )

33) ride a horse

34) ride a boat out past  the bay

35) fly in a plane

36)  cook a full course meal ( appetizers, main, and desert)

37) shoot a real hand gun

38) make a video with me and my “sisters” ( i’v known them so long they r the best friends someone could have)

39) take more pictures of myself for my family

40) take more pictures of me and my friends

41) go on a double date with someone really close

42) be a little reckless this summer

43) go to the beach more often

44) make this summer the best one so far

45) choose a highschool….

46) collect more dragons

47) collect more faeries

48) learn to play the drums

49) swim at night in the ocean

50) show someone i care about the true me            ( OMG I’M HALF DONE XD!!)

51) ride on a motorcycle

52) go to a bon fire with friends of family

53) go to a party on the beach

54) get a job this summer

55) ride in a classic car

56) ride in a hot rod

57) see what boot camp is like

58) write 100 poems

59) start another book

60) get 50 people reading my blog!

61) write 100 blog posts

62) send some of my poems to an editor

63) watch all 4 scream movies with my friend AJ

64)make a music video using stop motion

65) make a music video with my friends

66) make a music video with stop motion and clips of my friends

67) play Dirty Little Secret on my violin perfectly

68) use my violin playing in a video

69) play in the top 10 at state conference for BPA

70) go to Chicago for BPA

71) play in at least 3rd for my poster at the national conference

72) go to a state i’v never been to

73) sign up for volleyball

74) learn to drive

75) get a job

76) meet someone very interesting

77) meet someone famous

78) go to the Resonance Fair

79) win a game of bowling ( it’s not that i suck, it’s that i just never win :/)

80) watch the super bowl for the first time

81) throw a message in a bottle into the ocean and see if i get a response

82) go camping FOR REAL (tent, fire, the whole shebang)

83) lay under the stars in someones arms

84) catch a fish that i can take home and throw it back

85) catch ANOTHER legal fish and take it home and cook it!

86) go hunting, and actually hit something ( other than a tree)

87)go deep sea fishing

88) go boating at night

89) collect a bunch of glass coke bottles

90) make something out of all the coke bottles i collected

91) go to frightland

92) go to the hospital with my neighbor when she has her baby

93) do more than 5 pull ups ( i used to be able to do them easily but now i suck)

94) be asked to the formal dance at the end of the year

95) see a live play, not preformed by a highschool

96) go on a road trip with a friend

97)  punch somebody i’v been wanting to punch for a long time

98) play volleyball on the beach

99) ride a jet ski

100!!!!) do something i’ll never forget

yay i’m done!!

WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?

alot of things, a hug, just talking to friends. but the thing that helps the most? editing my photography, and blasting music in my ears! ahh, my own little world to get away in :)

a single jewel left by the thief, as he hurried through the window.
actually it&#8217;s the amazingly beautiful necklace my amazing boyfriend got me for christmas!

a single jewel left by the thief, as he hurried through the window.

actually it’s the amazingly beautiful necklace my amazing boyfriend got me for christmas!